Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
