her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
