She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
