Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
