Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
