If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize