he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
