Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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