Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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