She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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