He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
