i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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