Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
