Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I've blown a few things in my day
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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