You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i drank out of a bidet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
