bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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