O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
