Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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