i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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