the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
