i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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