ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
