I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize