we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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