I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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