There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
