We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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