can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
