Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize