Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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