4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
