Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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