When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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