There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
