A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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