i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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