I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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