I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize