I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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