people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
