I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
