I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
