You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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