dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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