Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
