I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
