If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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