I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
