If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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