I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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