but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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