So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
