If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
