I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
