It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
