Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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