So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
