that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
