after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
