Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
