Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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