He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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