i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
