don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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