Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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