I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He has the fingertips of a God
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