I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
