I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
